Infinity Attacks
 
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
As a child, there were times when I would lay awake because I was too scared to fall asleep. Was I worried about the boogie man? No, what really got me frightened was the concept of infinity.

I never knew when I would have one of these "infinity attacks", but they started shortly after my older brother told me about negative numbers. We were learning about the number line in school and, so far, all we'd talked about were positive numbers. So when Steve told me that the number line went the other direction, too, it blew me away. I asked him how far it went the other way and he said, "Forever."

So that's what would get me going. I'd be snuggled in bed, surrounded by my favorite stuffed animals, and the cat and dog if I could coax them, and I'd start thinking about the number line. I'd see all the positive numbers stretching off to the right forever... and ever... and ever... and I'd feel like I was moving along the number line with them, faster and faster and faster until I'd have to thrash around just to stop the sensation.

Other times, I would think about the infinite bigness and the infinite smallness of the universe. I would start by imagining outer space going on and on and on, and how it must have no end, because what would be on the other side of the end? While thinking this, I'd feel as though I were expanding beyond my body, beyond the house, beyond the planet... And then I'd reverse it, and think about how small the universe was, and how it had no end in that direction, either, just like those negative numbers getting infinitely smaller on the number line. I would feel like I was shrinking and shrinking and shrinking until I was infinitely huge and infinitely small at the same time. Eventually, the sensation would get so overwhelming that I'd have to turn my light on just to feel my own size again.

Now that I'm an adult, I still get "infinity attacks", only now the sensations are relaxing and I feel comforted, as though cradled in the middle of infinity.
 
-1 -2 -3 -4 -5 -6 -7 -8 -9 -10
-11 -12 -13 -14 -15 -16 -17 -18 -19 -20
-21 -22 -23 -24 -25 -26 -27 -28 -29 -30
-31 -32 -33 -34 -35 -36 -37 -38 -39 -40
-41 -42 -43 -44 -45 -46 -47 -48 -49 -50
-51 -52 -53 -54 -55 -56 -57 -58 -59 -60
-61 -62 -63 -64 -65 -66 -67 -68 -69 -70
-71 -72 -73 -74 -75 -76 -77 -78 -79 -80
-81 -82 -83 -84 -85 -86 -87 -88 -89 -90
-91 -92 -93 -94 -95 -96 -97 -98 -99 -100
-101 -102 -103 -104 -105 -106 -107 -108 -109 -110
-111 -112 -113 -114 -115 -116 -117 -118 -119 -120
-121 -122 -123 -124 -125 -126 -127 -128 -129 -130
-131 -132 -133 -134 -135 -136 -137 -138 -139 -140
-141 -142 -143 -144 -145 -146 -147 -148 -149 -150
-151 -152 -153 -154 -155 -156 -157 -158 -159 -160
-161 -162 -163 -164 -165 -166 -167 -168 -169 -170
-171 -172 -173 -174 -175 -176 -177 -178 -179 -180
-181 -182 -183 -184 -185 -186 -187 -188 -189 -190
-191 -192 -193 -194 -195 -196 -197 -198 -199 -200
-201 -202 -203 -204 -205 -206 -207 -208 -209 -210
-211 -212 -213 -214 -215 -216 -217 -218 -219 -220
-221 -222 -223 -224 -225 -226 -227 -228 -229 -230
-231 -232 -233 -234 -235 -236 -237 -238 -239 -240
-241 -242 -243 -244 -245 -246 -247 -248 -249 -250
-251 -252 -253 -254 -255 -256 -257 -258 -259 -260
-261 -262 -263 -264 -265 -266 -267 -268 -269 -270
-271 -272 -273 -274 -275 -276 -277 -278 -279 -280
-281 -282 -283 -284 -285 -286 -287 -288 -289 -290
-291 -292 -293 -294 -295 -296 -297 -298 -299 -300
-301 -302 -303 -304 -305 -306 -307 -308 -309 -310
-311 -312 -313 -314 -315 -316 -317 -318 -319 -320
-321 -322 -323 -324 -325 -326 -327 -328 -329 -330
-331 -332 -333 -334 -335 -336 -337 -338 -339 -340
-341 -342 -343 -344 -345 -346 -347 -348 -349 -350
-351 -352 -353 -354 -355 -356 -357 -358 -359 -360
-361 -362 -363 -364 -365 -366 -367 -368 -369 -370
-371 -372 -373 -374 -375 -376 -377 -378 -379 -380
-381 -382 -383 -384 -385 -386 -387 -388 -389 -390
-391 -392 -393 -394 -395 -396 -397 -398 -399 -400
-401 -402 -403 -404 -405 -406 -407 -408 -409 -410
-411 -412 -413 -414 -415 -416 -417 -418 -419 -420
-421 -422 -423 -424 -425 -426 -427 -428 -429 -430
-431 -432 -433 -434 -435 -436 -437 -438 -439 -440
-441 -442 -443 -444 -445 -446 -447 -448 -449 -450
-451 -452 -453 -454 -455 -456 -457 -458 -459 -460
-461 -462 -463 -464 -465 -466 -467 -468 -469 -470
-471 -472 -473 -474 -475 -476 -477 -478 -479 -480
-481 -482 -483 -484 -485 -486 -487 -488 -489 -490
-491 -492 -493 -494 -495 -496 -497 -498 -499 -500
-501 -502 -503 -504 -505 -506 -507 -508 -509 -510
-511 -512 -513 -514 -515 -516 -517 -518 -519 -520
-521 -522 -523 -524 -525 -526 -527 -528 -529 -530
-531 -532 -533 -534 -535 -536 -537 -538 -539 -540
-541 -542 -543 -544 -545 -546 -547 -548 -549 -550
-551 -552 -553 -554 -555 -556 -557 -558 -559 -560
-561 -562 -563 -564 -565 -566 -567 -568 -569 -570
-571 -572 -573 -574 -575 -576 -577 -578 -579 -580
-581 -582 -583 -584 -585 -586 -587 -588 -589 -590
-591 -592 -593 -594 -595 -596 -597 -598 -599 -600
-601 -602 -603 -604 -605 -606 -607 -608 -609 -610
-611 -612 -613 -614 -615 -616 -617 -618 -619 -620
-621 -622 -623 -624 -625 -626 -627 -628 -629 -630
-631 -632 -633 -634 -635 -636 -637 -638 -639 -640
-641 -642 -643 -644 -645 -646 -647 -648 -649 -650
-651 -652 -653 -654 -655 -656 -657 -658 -659 -660
-661 -662 -663 -664 -665 -666 -667 -668 -669 -670
-671 -672 -673 -674 -675 -676 -677 -678 -679 -680
-681 -682 -683 -684 -685 -686 -687 -688 -689 -690
-691 -692 -693 -694 -695 -696 -697 -698 -699 -700
-701 -702 -703 -704 -705 -706 -707 -708 -709 -710
-711 -712 -713 -714 -715 -716 -717 -718 -719 -720
-721 -722 -723 -724 -725 -726 -727 -728 -729 -730
-731 -732 -733 -734 -735 -736 -737 -738 -739 -740
-741 -742 -743 -744 -745 -746 -747 -748 -749 -750
-751 -752 -753 -754 -755 -756 -757 -758 -759 -760
-761 -762 -763 -764 -765 -766 -767 -768 -769 -770
-771 -772 -773 -774 -775 -776 -777 -778 -779 -780
-781 -782 -783 -784 -785 -786 -787 -788 -789 -790
-791 -792 -793 -794 -795 -796 -797 -798 -799 -800
-801 -802 -803 -804 -805 -806 -807 -808 -809 -810
-811 -812 -813 -814 -815 -816 -817 -818 -819 -820
-821 -822 -823 -824 -825 -826 -827 -828 -829 -830
-831 -832 -833 -834 -835 -836 -837 -838 -839 -840
-841 -842 -843 -844 -845 -846 -847 -848 -849 -850
-851 -852 -853 -854 -855 -856 -857 -858 -859 -860
-861 -862 -863 -864 -865 -866 -867 -868 -869 -870
-871 -872 -873 -874 -875 -876 -877 -878 -879 -880
-881 -882 -883 -884 -885 -886 -887 -888 -889 -890
-891 -892 -893 -894 -895 -896 -897 -898 -899 -900
-901 -902 -903 -904 -905 -906 -907 -908 -909 -910
-911 -912 -913 -914 -915 -916 -917 -918 -919 -920
-921 -922 -923 -924 -925 -926 -927 -928 -929 -930
-931 -932 -933 -934 -935 -936 -937 -938 -939 -940
-941 -942 -943 -944 -945 -946 -947 -948 -949 -950
-951 -952 -953 -954 -955 -956 -957 -958 -959 -960
-961 -962 -963 -964 -965 -966 -967 -968 -969 -970
-971 -972 -973 -974 -975 -976 -977 -978 -979 -980
-981 -982 -983 -984 -985 -986 -987 -988 -989 -990
-991 -992 -993 -994 -995 -996 -997 -998 -999 -1000