Snorting In My Sleep The following has become a personal dream classic, and is a ready anectdote whenever the subject of talking in one's sleep arises. Here's what triggered it: Jef and I and our daughter were living on a small island together in a dusty old farmhouse. We'd spent the day cleaning the little cabin in anticipation of guests and felt that we'd really outdone ourselves; the place was immaculate. When the guests arrived, all went well until my mother-in-law casually remarked, "Gee, I never noticed how dirty the ceilings were." I looked up, and sure enough, she was right, there were spider webs on the ceilings and in the corners. The one spot we hadn't thought of cleaning! I couldn't believe it. So that night, I dreamt that a professional maid was conducting the proverbial "white glove test" in our house. She stalked from room to room wiping table tops and ledges and shaking her head in disgust. "Whoever lives here is a real pig!" she finally announced. Little did She know that I was spying on her from the other side of a door. "A pig, huh?" said I. At that, I pressed my nose to the door and began snorting as loudly as possible. If she wanted a pig, she would get a pig! It was very satisfying. However, in the midst of this vengeful bliss my husband awoke me, since the 'door' happened to be his back and I was actually snorting against him this whole time. "Are you okay, hon'?" he asked, thinking I was choking to death. When I realized what was going on, I was laughing too hard to explain myself until the morning.